i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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