I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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