took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
