I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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