remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
