i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
