My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
