when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
All the doctor said was why
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
