He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize