I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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