the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Couch. On fire.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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