Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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