i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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