Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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