I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
