Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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