I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The uberlube is also flammable
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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