I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
