It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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