Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
