I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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