Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize