could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
