I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
