doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize