Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Floor bacon is actually really good
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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