I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
