rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize