Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
