if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
