He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
