I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
