I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All I want is dick and wine.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
