Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
