ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
