I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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