so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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