Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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