Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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