I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
