watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
