i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
