Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
