how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
