Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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