don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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