I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
