She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
