You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
