11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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