i think my tv is drunk
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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