i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It was confusing and full of hummus
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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