Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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