DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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