we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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