Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
