I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
