I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
