wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
