i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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