What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
