I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
