you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
