Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
