Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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