There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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