Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
where are you?
Hypothermia
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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