i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
