its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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