seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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