Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
