Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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