Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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