But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I look better un-naked...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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