My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
