look no pants
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
vagina is talking i cant
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
